What I find that people who are not addicted to anything do not understand is that the addictive personality is a complicated one. Take my life for instance I was in so much emotional pain all of my life that I do not see how I am not dead. I guess it is because if there is a hell I do not want to go there. I am trying to remember moments of my childhood when i was happy and liked myself and in truth there are none.I remember feeling less than even as far back as kindergarten. I was made fun of for being short haired, dark and for having eczema. The single most painful event from that time period is the little girl from the farm down the road that had played with me all of my life turned on me and became my worst nightmare. I think a lot of my inability to make friends started right then. I get jealous when I see people who have been in each others lives forever, I get jealous because there is no one person who knows me at all. People know of me but no one really knows me inside.I do not have anyone to reminisce about the good old days with. My hurts has always kept me on the outside looking in.
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