ADDICTION

I listen to or read about how others feel about people who are addicted to substances. Most of their hatred is based in misguided idealism that it is a choice. For me I do not believe I have ever had a choice. If I had known that I would end up the way I am today I would have never taken that first drink when I was seven years old. As for my crack/cocaine addiction the only choice I had with it was that first one. After that the drug took me over. My brain chemistry was already so screwed up by the rapes, molestation and physical, emotional and verbal abuse that I had endured since childhood that from day one I was a goner. I HATE BEING AN ADDICT!!! I hate that every time that I seriously try to live like normal people it always comes and wrecks my life again. You would think that an addict wouldn't have a weight problem well I guess that makes me special because I am 60lbs overweight. I am 50 years old and my addiction has stolen my life, my love and my chance to be the mom and grandma that I know I can be. This weekend
 was the worst I willingly handed over my ATM card to let someone get out money and they took it all. Over 800.00 gone and me sitting there looking stupid wondering how I am going to pay all the things that money was earmarked for.... I HATE BEING AN ADDICT